What the **** is a Blue-Nosed Gopher?
Welcome to this absolutely unprecedented blog! Ok, I admit it…I’m a virgin. No…not that! A virgin blogger! So bear with me as I delve into a number of topics related to happiness – something everyone knows all about but may not FOLLOW what they know! I’ll begin by offering you a snippet from my book - Well I’ll Be A Blue-Nosed Gopher…Practicing Happiness Now! There IS an answer to the question that is surely burning a hole in your brain (so you can fill in the **** with a word of your choice!). I hope you enjoy the cartoons/illustrations (whatever you want to call them!) by the wonderful and very talented Sarah Bausinger. You can find out more about her at the bottom of the page here.
A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR
Practicing Happiness in a Pandemic?
As this book goes to print, the COVID-19 (coronavirus) rages on, dramatically affecting the lives of nearly everyone on the planet. Since I wrote the manuscript before the pandemic began, it’s easy to ask: how can one practice happiness when there is so much sickness, loss of loved ones, unemployment, and a complete upheaval of the world we once knew?
I sincerely believe we need this book now more than ever. Or at least some of you will because I’ll never pretend one book works for everyone. Practicing happiness and being a “blue-nosed gopher” (as explained in the next few pages) is about discovering ways to stay grounded and get through these times of hardship. Face it: there have been plagues, hunger, wars, and natural disasters throughout our history. Even in the face of inconceivable suffering, we’ve seen the best of human nature come forward. Adversity helps us realize and act upon what is most important: loving and helping our neighbors, our families, our friends, and those in need.
Difficult times create more urgency for us to seek our true purpose here on Earth, to find and be our higher selves, and do what’s most important in life. We can either allow the challenges we face to overcome us, or we can choose to rise above them, no matter how difficult. And, yes, all of us do have the right to choose happiness, a sense of humor, and to be positive, even in troubled times. That is how we will get through this. So read on! Practicing happiness will make a difference, and I absolutely wish for you to be happy and healthy in better times ahead!
BE A BLUE-NOSED GOPHER!
There is nothing wrong with your eyes. You read correctly. Yes, a blue-nosed gopher! A mutant rodent has what to do with happiness? How did this cute but pesky little varmint give me so much more than giant holes in my backyard?
I’d just finished what I thought was my final version of the book you are now reading. I’ve always advocated that a big part of being happy is the ability to cope with adversity. Suddenly, that idea was given a major test.
I was trying to incorporate a writing career along with being a university professor and a jazz musician when Toni, my wife and soul mate, suffered a major bipolar episode. If you’ve ever had a friend or family member with a mental disorder, you know that can literally turn your entire world upside down. That’s exactly what happened. As wonderful as my wife was when she was healthy, she literally became a danger to herself and required hospitalization. When she was released, she was still not well, was on too much medication, and would wander off to parts unknown. One night, she did not come home at all, and at six a.m. the next morning, I got a phone call from the hospital that no one ever wants to get.
A nurse gravely informed me that Toni had been hit by a fast-moving car while she was walking. She was in critical condition, and I had better get to the hospital ASAP. The next few days were a complete blur. Toni was in a coma with a broken femur, broken arm, punctured lung, several large wounds, and—worst of all—a traumatic brain injury that would change her forever.
It’s far easier to be “happy” when things are going well, isn’t it? To keep my head above water, I was literally forced to follow my own words. During our ordeal, I was reminded daily that we were not alone in our suffering. Every day, the waiting rooms outside the intensive care unit (ICU) were filled with grim-faced relatives and friends of people going through hardships like ours. How heart-wrenching is it to see families stagger out of the ICU after having just lost a loved one? How does one talk about happiness to them?
I cannot begin to express how thankful I am Toni was not taken from our lives that fateful night. Through the nine months of ICU, rehab hospitals, and a special NeuroRestorative unit for traumatic brain injury patients, I watched with awe as Toni slowly relearned how to breathe, talk, eat, and walk with a walker. Her courage was remarkable. Toni’s memory of her life remains pretty much wiped clean, and her short-term memory is also severely challenged. But, three months after the accident, an amazing change occurred.
Her personality kicked in, and she became a “cheerful little earful,” laughing over the least little thing and singing songs. When we would tell her something, she started responding, “Well, I’ll be a blue-nosed gopher!” This was followed by her unique laugh, which would make everyone around her laugh. When she began saying this dozens of times a day, I asked everyone at the hospital if they had taught her that saying. No one stepped forward. For several months, Toni rattled off her “blue-nosed gopher” proclamation on a daily basis until I could stand it no more. So, I searched online to see if there was such a saying anywhere in the world.
Lo and behold, on the 1950s TV show The Mickey Mouse Club, there was a series of short episodes called “Spin and Marty.” One of the supporting characters would exclaim, “Well I’ll be a blue-nosed gopher!” The Mickey Mouse Club was Toni’s favorite show when she was a little girl. Nestled in her long-term memory, the saying stuck in her brain.
Toni, devoid of her past, has become one of the happiest people I’ve ever known. Toni still says that phrase a number of times each day, and no matter what frame of mind I may be in, it reminds me to be happy now. Waiting for something to make us happy makes our happiness depend on something or someone else.
Practicing happiness is more than something nice to do; it’s a necessity. Working on our well-being daily not only helps us enjoy life more, but it gets us through our toughest times. With even a little practice, happier days and the best future are possible. It turned out I had a few changes to make in my book, including how Toni teaches and inspires me (and others!) about happiness every single day. Laugh at the little things—now! Have fun—now! And be a blue-nosed gopher!
INTRODUCTION
Why Do We Need a Book on Practicing Happiness?
Do you ride up and down the mood “roller-coaster”? Does that little, dark, rain cloud follow you even on sunny days? Do you long to be that happy kid again? Do you have food, shelter, a job, and a family, but finding happiness is like chasing the end of a rainbow you never find? Maybe something’s missing in your life, or you’re suffering from a recent trauma or adverse situation. Well, welcome to the real world, filled with land mines capable of blowing your good mood into ash! How is it that our so-called happiness can be here one moment and then disappear faster than our cash at the grocery store?
I’ve encountered this saying about happiness a number of times: “You either have it or you don’t.” But that motto just doesn’t cut it anymore. We experience happiness, but then we ruin the party with “I’m happy as long as (this or that happens).” Then, the minute it doesn’t happen, our well-being spirals down the garbage disposal!
It’s simple, really. Happiness has to be practiced! And your happiness will improve dramatically the second you’re ready to work on your “state of happiness.” Then you can still stand up to the plate after life throws a fastball at your head! Why not give your well-being the same attention medical, business, or other professionals would to their jobs?
Think of something you’re good at. Don’t be modest now! What you do best is usually what you’ve done often.
During seminars, I conduct a shoelace-tying contest. Everyone unties one shoelace completely. Whoever doesn’t have laces can referee. Everyone with laces puts both feet flat on the ground. On cue, they tie one shoe as fast as possible, and the first to finish and raise his or her hand wins. What a mad scramble! It’s hard to declare a winner because it’s so close. But a winner is found, and a prize is given (shoelaces or maybe some calming herbal tea). I then interview the shoelace speedster. “Hi! What’s your name? Wow, you were soooo fast! Amazing! Congratulations! You are soooo talented! Tell us, how did you get so good at this?” The winner usually says something like: “Well, you know, I’ve done it all my life…”
Let’s speculate. Let’s say our winner is twenty-four years old and started tying shoes at age four. That’s twenty years of shoelace tying. My remedial math guru says that only two shoelace ties a day for twenty years is 14,600 times, and that’s not counting leap years! Folks, I promise, if you do anything that many times, you will be two hair-lengths away from becoming a Zen master at it! With that many repetitions, the difference between the “talents” of each individual is about half a millisecond.
For classical saxophone recitals, there are some difficult runs I’ve needed to practice nearly 50,000 times. Oh, save the medal! That’s spread out over months, so it’s not so bad, really. After the recital, people would compliment my talent. I thanked them politely, but I knew that practice, not talent (and maybe a good reed), was 99 percent responsible for my ability to play those runs.
Everyone knows something about happiness. But, what we know means nothing unless we PRACTICE what we know. Then, an idea struck me! Why can’t we actually practice to improve aspects of our own precious well-being? Instead, we practice anger, sadness, or fearfulness and become quite accomplished at them! Why would we want that when we can begin practicing happiness?
Throughout the book, I’ve included “happiness steps,” which are designed to improve your overall well-being. You don’t have to go to the top of a mountain, give up all your material possessions, or put your life on hold to do these steps. You don’t need to be a counselor or psychologist to understand them either. If you’re currently under a doctor’s care, by all means continue it. This book is not intended to be a substitute for medical treatment. The goal here is to create positive changes in your life. The happiness steps included can be practiced at any time, and you won’t even need your shoelaces!
Why Me?
In education, there is an urgent need for more emphasis on well-being, compassion, and wisdom rather than accumulating information. It’s time to take the study of happiness seriously. It makes little difference how much is taught or learned if no attention is paid to how to live a happy and meaningful life, which is intricately related to our purpose
here on Earth. Whether we’re on the job, vacationing, going to the grocery store, or even reading this book, happiness matters in a big way!
I retired early from my job as a professor of music and university administrator in order to spend more time writing, playing jazz, and caring for my favorite blue-nosed gopher. Since I am not a psychiatrist or paid counselor, I offer unique perspectives and experiences that I hope will help you. Plus, my wife Toni shows and lives happiness every day despite her severe brain injury and other physical impairments. Thankfully, she has helped me reduce my long-winded tendencies for a “plethora of excessively-inordinate, superfluous, professorial diatribes!” Toni helps me keep it simple and real!
In our household, the subject of happiness comes up fairly often. Toni has a way of simplifying complex issues:
“I want to be happy. I don’t want to be sad!”
Ding ding! If you really want to be happy, you have to first admit you want it! Bury your pride for one moment and repeat that line!
Or maybe you need to shout this one:
“I’m sick and tired of the BS in my life!”
Feel better? Congratulations! This means your well-being means something to you. If I only had two seconds with you, I would say:
Happiness is a decision, not a condition. The end.
If it’s that simple, then why are there gazillions of books on happiness (counting mine)? Are they all scams? “Happy” is such a simple word, so it ought to be easy to accomplish, right? Instead, our state of being can be as confusing as the State of the Union! The billions of dollars spent on mental health and related drugs to “up” our well-being in the U.S. every year confirm this. In today’s challenging world, we need inspiration on a continuing, daily basis (Happiness Steps!) to help us improve one or more facets of our lives.
I don’t pretend to be a “happiness guru”—a supreme model of perfection who holds all of the secrets to the known universe. My quest began because I, too, was sick and tired of the BS! I did want more happiness!
Let’s face it. We’re all a work in progress. I’ve been immature, angry, bored, and self-centered. I’ve been silent when I should have spoken, and I’ve spoken when I shouldn’t have. I’ve had hangovers, been lied to, been cheated on, been beat up, and been fired from jobs. (There’s a country tune in there somewhere!) I’ve worked with every kind of student imaginable, and they all loved me (cough!). As a musician, I’ve played for every kind of crowd from a drunken brawl (where they should have put up a chain-link fence to protect the band) to high-society balls where the wealth in the room could buy an entire state. I’ve laughed until I’ve almost suffocated, and, yes, I cried when I saw Titanic. I’m not a saint, and I’m a fairly mediocre softball player.
The book you’re about to read is far bigger than me. There’s no deep mystery here. Anyone can be a happier human being, but it requires regular practice! Practicing happiness works, but the way it works differs for each of us. My wife, Toni, loves to do jigsaw puzzles, but the way she does them is unique because she rarely looks at the picture of the puzzle! Sometimes she’ll assemble the puzzle very quickly— upside down! But it’s still a completed puzzle. In the same way, you can…
• read the book from cover to cover,
• select a chapter you seem drawn to, OR
• randomly pick a paragraph or page and apply it to your life!
However you decide to use this book, the goal is to unlock the door to happiness with ideas to put into practice in order to better ourselves and, consequently, our well-being. Now, are you ready to start practicing?
Given with abundant love on this beautiful day,
JOHN
SECTION ONE
Who the Heck Am I?
