Why Me?
While my amazing team puts the final touches on the complex formatting a book with 300+ images requires, this happened! I was coming out of a relaxing meditation the other day, and my mind suddenly took a dark turn. I started having this dream where I’m giving a talk about my practicing happiness book to a fairly large audience. I’d barely started when a man stands up scowling and starts yelling.
I shall nickname him CCCCC for Cranky/Cross/Crabby/Complaining/ Curmudgeon (try saying that 10 times fast!).
CCCCC: (in a loud voice!) Why should I read your book? You think some stupid self-help book is gonna make ME happy?
Me: Well, Sir…no book in and of itself can…
CCCCC: (Interrupts) Iyeeeee don’t NEED to help myself! What makes YOU such an expert about happiness?
Me: I---
CCCCC: (Interrupts) And HAPPINESS steps? Ha! No happiness step will EVER work for me!
Me: Sir, if you’re determined it won’t then…
CCCCC: (interrupts again) I’ve never been happy and NEVER will be! Screw you and your bullshit book!
Then, before I could choke out a word, he literally disappears! Then I tried to talk and my lips were moving but I couldn’t hear my own voice! I woke up in a cold sweat, feeling like a mountain of crappola had been dumped on me!
Even thinking about that dream gives me goose bumps all over again. What was this all about? Why is my mind replaying one of my worst fears? Maybe I need to stop watching those old Twilight Zone episodes!
Since I’ve just finished Well I’ll Be a Blue-Nosed Gopher…Practicing Happiness Now! – People might think I’m trying to emulate some fearless, all-knowing, all-seeing guru with complete answers to the known universe that will send everyone to enlightenment on the top of a mountain.
So, while I wait in line for the $5 special at Taco Bell, I think I should share with you what my book is and what it isn’t. My fear I’m facing is – Oh shatness majoralis! What if my book doesn’t help someone? Call 911---!
Luckily for me and my weight, I managed to clear my head just before I turned around for seconds on Mexican food with a name I’ve never heard of. My higher self kicked in:
Higher Self: Dear John, Your book is NOT FOR EVERYBODY!
Me: Ok…then who the hell is it FOR?
Higher Self: Pitch it to those who actually WANT to work on improving themselves, which will lead to a at least some degree of happiness for people more often.
Me: And how will someone achieve this, oh higher self?
Higher Self: You wrote the book, nimrod! Tell the world!
Me: Aha! You mean work on your happiness through practice?
Higher Self: Practice, practice and more practice…
Me: So, remind me again, oh higher self…why ME?
Higher Self: (Bitchslap!)
Higher Self: Please! There are enough psychiatrists and counselors to start a new planet. We need some perspectives coming from other fields too, and haven’t you been working on them for 25 years?
Me: Ouch! (rubbing my cheek) Oh yeah…but thanks for reminding me!
After that conversation with myself, and some extremely leaded turbo coffee, I started to recover from my little nightmare. OF COURSE my book isn’t for everyone, and it NEVER WILL BE. (Sigh of relief!).
My professorial HOWEVER comes next - if you want to have a better outlook on life…and aren’t afraid to make a few changes to do that, you might just find something useful in my book. OK – modesty aside, I’m pretty sure you WILL find something in there that will help you. Now for the warning label:
DANGER DANGER: When you really start working on improving an important aspect of your life, the happiness you thought you had can disappear faster than your favorite TV show after ratings!
Before you tear off your hair, chew your nails off, or run to your port of call de cholesterol, just know that the better you get at something, the more you’ll realize how far you have to go, or put another way, how shitty some aspects of your life may have been, mainly because your ego convinced you that you didn’t need to change a thing! That apparent loss of happiness is only a loss of illusion, and you will recover the moment you decide to move forward!
I’m guilty of ego delusion in the past, present, and probably the future too. Here’s a quick ditty from my book:
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As a teenager, I was a know-it-all saxophonist.
I already played flute, and the fingerings were similar, so I found a few reeds and soon I was honkin’ away like nobody’s business. I was first chair tenor sax in the high school band (the only tenor sax player). I hadn’t had any lessons, but I was a cool sax player! After a while, I realized I wasn’t as good as I thought. The more I practiced, the more I found out how far I had to go. Now, after many years as a pro, I have more to learn than ever. Looking back at that fourteen-year-old sax player, I realize that guy knew only enough to fool himself.
When conflicting information is presented, the know-it-all hides in ego’s shadow. Not being completely right would require (oh horrors!) a change in thinking and actions. If you find out you’re wrong, admit it!
*****************************************************************************************************I actually created a Practicing Happiness course when they were looking for special topics for a required freshman seminar at the University of Texas at Tyler. I won’t lie to you – it was a huge challenge because we were forced to conform to a rigid set of requirements – the opposite of anything remotely happy! But, I noticed that when students who initially rated themselves as “happy” or “very happy” began to analyze their lives closely, they would say things like “I thought I was happy until I took your course! **** you very much! An understandable initial reaction - but, if a student took time to face some of their previously-ignored issues, there was steady improvement, at least until the research paper was due!
My book is about happiness, but I hesitate to overuse the word “happy” because it is horribly stereotyped AND trivialized. Not to mention, if there is a quick and easy fix, then why are there gazillions of books on the subject? Well it’s simple on one hand – BE HAPPY! Ok. Done. Like losing weight…EAT LESS! Oh, thanks for THAT!
General principles of happiness are fairly simple but happiness is relative to many conditions. One might think happiness needs to look something like this:
But, I’m here to tell you a happy person can look like this:
Looks are deceiving anyway, and everyone has a different disposition. It’s the internal progress that counts. My take on a common Buddhist principle:
Before enlightenment - doing the dishes Taking out the trash
After enlightenment - doing the dishes Taking out the trash
The perception of yourself as to whether you are happy or not depend on:
Your heredity
Your emotional nature (overall disposition)
Your current state of mind
Your heredity does not change. It’s good to know about it, but don’t fret over it. You are you for a reason, and you be proud of it.
Your emotional nature is the average of your disposition (the emotions you feel overall) throughout your life, and that can improve, but it will take time. Like the temperature of an ocean, it is slow to change.
Ah, but there’s hope in never never land! Your current state of mind is where you have total control! That deserves a big cheer!
Affirmative! You have 100% control of your happiness/well being/state of mind at all times, because…no person, event, or circumstance can make you miserable without YOUR permission! Negativity is always out there, but you don’t have to attach to it. I used to visit my Uncle Roger at his hog farm. I was amazed at how the pigs just loved to roll around in the mud! So, with life, unless you want to get dirty, stay out of the pigpen!”
So is there some mystical secret to improving your current state of mind more often? Sorry to disappoint. It’s like the few students (thankfully very few!) who came to me with “I want to be an awesome musician – but I only have time for a few lessons.”
Ok., since severe corporal punishment is no longer allowed, I would politely give them directions…”There’s the door, exit the building, take a left on Oblivion Ave., go three light years and turn right on Nowheresville St. Keep going until you see the sign ANYWHERE ELSE, and I will not be waiting for you.”
Well I’ll be a Blue-Nosed Gopher…Practicing Happiness Now! – is all about being willing to do the grunt work to spend time working on yourself, so you can be a better person for you, and for everyone else on the planet. My wife Toni, with a traumatic brain injury, in her wonderfully pure mind, mentions this delightful creature every day in our household. This blue-nosed gopher (from the Spin and Marty segments of Disney’s Mickey Mouse Club) represents to us the beautiful and effective simplicity of living in the now.
Working on your well-being can be very simple – but it requires your constant attention, and you guessed it – PRACTICE - which is what anyone has to do if they want to be good at ANYTHING! More good news – if you know yourself and make sure you love what you’re doing, the journey will be pretty awesome – and worth it!
Who’s ready to embark on the journey?
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Love to all!
John
